Mr. Subliminal Must Have Written the EG Teachers "Open Letter"

I know Dan Yorke has been giving this some play this afternoon, but I honestly thought the same thing when I stumbled across this "open letter" from East Greenwich Teachers to the public. Namely, it's not a good idea to imply that you--the teachers--are better at raising the kids than their parents. Especially this part in which I've provided--in honor of Kevin Nealon's Mr. Subliminal--an interpretation of what they're really saying:

We were there when your children forgot their lunch money {because you didn't care enough to double-check} and we made sure they ate {when you'd have let 'em starve}. We were there when your children didn't have a ride home {deadbeats}, and we made certain they were safe {lucky we didn't call DCYF}. We were there when your children called us at 10pm {where the hell were you?} because they didn't know where else to turn for help {because you are unsympathetic and uncaring parents}. We have been here from their first day jitters through their post-graduate plans {more than you, even}.