Iowahawk: “DNC Scientists Disprove Existence of Roberts’ Taxon”

Abject apologies for utilizing whole cloth Iowahawk’s own title for the title of this post. But it perfectly conveys the substance of his brilliant … er, “announcement” of a couple of weeks ago. (“Brilliant” in part because, like the mechanics of the recent discovery of the Higgs Boson, I don’t fully understand it.)

WASHINGTON DC – Jubilant scientists at the DNC’s High Speed Word Collider (HSWC) announced today they have conclusively disproven the existence of Roberts’ Taxon, the theoretical radioactive Facton particle that some had worried would lead to the implosion of the entire Universal Health Care System.
“I think it’s time to pop the champagne corks,” said HSWC Director David Plouffe. “Then blaze some choom.”
The landmark experiment in Quantum Rhetoric began early this week after legal particle cosmologist John Roberts published a paper in the Quarterly Journal of Tortured Logic that solved the long-debated Pelosi’s Paradox in Universal Health Care Theory.
“Pelosi’s Paradox states that in order to find out what is in a health care bill, it would have to be passed,” explained physicist Steven Hawking. “But in order to be a law it would have to be constitutional, which means someone would have to know what was in it, which would mean it couldn’t have been a bill in the first place. Think of Schroedinger’s Cat, except with a lobotomy.”
To solve the paradox, Roberts proposed the existence of the Taxon – an ephemeral, mysterious facton particle that in theory would allow the Universal Health System to be constitutional, without directly observing what was in it. DNC scientists at first cheered Roberts’ findings, but it soon came apparent that it opened an even deadlier dilemma. …

ADDENDUM
H/T American Thinker’s Thomas Lifson, who terms it

another breathtaking double bank shot, finding what might be humor’s god particle in the Chief Justice’s ObamaCare decision.

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Sammy in Arizona
Sammy in Arizona
9 years ago

Mitt Scissorhands Romney is for the mandate, against the mandate, it’s a tax, it’s a penalty, it’s a user’s fee, it’s an insurance premium, remenber Mitt is for everything, as well as against everything.
And I would be willing to bet 10,000 bucks that if Scissorhands gets elected, he’ll find a reason ( and an excuse ) to keep Obamacare intact But for now it appears that Mitt was a big tax raiser in Massachusetts
Not according to Mittens Romney-care who says what he did in Mass. was not a tax. THAT was a “penalty.” What Obama’s doing, though, is a tax.
Now, pull the other one; it has a bell on it.

Dan
Dan
9 years ago

Sammy – Have you seen any bucks from the Obama campaign yet? Must be kind of depressing to think that other people get paid to do what you do every day for free – go online and troll/shill for a candidate. Although it must be somewhat pleasant to believe that all of life’s problems can be solved by voting for somebody with a certain letter next to their name, and to have all of your heroes and enemies in life preselected for you.

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