Iowahawk: “DNC Scientists Disprove Existence of Roberts’ Taxon”
Abject apologies for utilizing whole cloth Iowahawk’s own title for the title of this post. But it perfectly conveys the substance of his brilliant … er, “announcement” of a couple of weeks ago. (“Brilliant” in part because, like the mechanics of the recent discovery of the Higgs Boson, I don’t fully understand it.)
WASHINGTON DC – Jubilant scientists at the DNC’s High Speed Word Collider (HSWC) announced today they have conclusively disproven the existence of Roberts’ Taxon, the theoretical radioactive Facton particle that some had worried would lead to the implosion of the entire Universal Health Care System.
“I think it’s time to pop the champagne corks,” said HSWC Director David Plouffe. “Then blaze some choom.”
The landmark experiment in Quantum Rhetoric began early this week after legal particle cosmologist John Roberts published a paper in the Quarterly Journal of Tortured Logic that solved the long-debated Pelosi’s Paradox in Universal Health Care Theory.
“Pelosi’s Paradox states that in order to find out what is in a health care bill, it would have to be passed,” explained physicist Steven Hawking. “But in order to be a law it would have to be constitutional, which means someone would have to know what was in it, which would mean it couldn’t have been a bill in the first place. Think of Schroedinger’s Cat, except with a lobotomy.”
To solve the paradox, Roberts proposed the existence of the Taxon – an ephemeral, mysterious facton particle that in theory would allow the Universal Health System to be constitutional, without directly observing what was in it. DNC scientists at first cheered Roberts’ findings, but it soon came apparent that it opened an even deadlier dilemma. …
H/T American Thinker’s Thomas Lifson, who terms it
another breathtaking double bank shot, finding what might be humor’s god particle in the Chief Justice’s ObamaCare decision.