Wanted: Everything You Aren’t, for Nothing You Understand

Just to see what’s going on out there, I ran a Monster.com job search for the first time in years. I had forgotten how completely unqualified the ads can make you feel. That seems to be the result when corporate HR departments are given more twenty words to describe a job opening. A made-up example:

You are: a self-starting, autonomous copy-editing genius with fifty years of experience and the ability to follow instructions carefully. Passion for semiconductor technology a must. Fluency in more than half of the world’s spoken languages a plus.
Your responsibilities are: to conduct broad-based research for the creation of high-impact marketing, advertising, instructional, psychosomatic media and corporate packages (print and Web), translated into three programming languages and Pig Latin in a fast-paced environment emphasizing attention to detail.
We are: a completely unknown company, but the only organization hiring people with your skill set, just now.
Benefits revealed upon hire; salary commensurate with experience.

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George
George
13 years ago

Justin, your parody aside, I think companies have transformed from simply “advertising” the position to pitching their company. You see, when you step outside the RI black hole, there can be found a very vibrant economy and a very competitive marketplace for people with skills who are willing to work hard.
I imagine the public sector union position in the Ocean state might be advertised as such:
You are: mediocre in those limited tasks you are able to perform. Under no circumstances will you perform, or attempt to perform more than one task. You won’t make co-workers look bad by arriving early or staying late. You will never exceed your quotas, even when financial incentives are provided. If you have any joy in your life, you will not bring it into the workplace. You are malcontent, yet are quite satisfied with being compensated for accomplishing very little. Salary commensurate with how long you’ve gotten away with doing nothing. Benifits GALORE!

EMT
EMT
13 years ago

You are: mediocre in those limited tasks you are able to perform.
Cheap insult but extremely insightful to the poster.
Under no circumstances will you perform, or attempt to perform more than one task.
I wish.
You won’t make co-workers look bad by arriving early or staying late.
30-60 minutes early is standard, getting held late is commonplace.
You will never exceed your quotas, even when financial incentives are provided.
N/A
If you have any joy in your life, you will not bring it into the workplace.
Certainly don’t have much joy left at the end of the day, knowing how little the citizens think if me.
You are malcontent, yet are quite satisfied with being compensated for accomplishing very little.
If you consider people’s lives “very litte…”
Salary commensurate with how long you’ve gotten away with doing nothing.
Is this any different than a private company where, on those few occasions where raises are even considered, are given out regardless of effort or production?
Benifits GALORE!
Subject to alteration without input. Changes to cheap but horrible health insurance possible at anytime without recourse or consideration for job risks, according to the political winds at the time. Usually the result of financial mismanagement on the part of those with far higher salaries and golden parachutes, in addition to the overwhelming use of services by residents making no tax contribution towards said services.
At least, that’s how I’d feel if I were a union member.

George
George
13 years ago

EMT, if you’re not qualified, you need not apply.
I’m sure being an EMT in welfare/illegal alien magnet RI makes your job an exception. But I also think that depends the community in which you work. If you work in, say, Cumberland, I imagine you have some down time, during which you might do some training (in your field of work), but I’m sure you are quite restricted in what else you can do to be productive.
I can see that if perhaps you work where there is a concentration of system-abusers, your day can be pretty rough.
You see, my father was a firefighter for 32 years and he retired at the age of 62. My mother died when I was young, so I often spent days at the fire station. Its where I got to be pretty good at ping-pong. My dad, to this day, at the age of 84 is a pool shark. My dad didn’t like the idea that he couldn’t be productive unless there was a fire, but the union tied his hands. I learned his work ethic when he took me to his painting jobs on his days off from the fire department. (Although I knew he was proud of his profession, he always discouraged me from becoming a firefighter. Having fought in WWII and raised during the depression by a weaver and a seamstress, he appreciated hard work. I really think the union embarrased him.)
So, I’m sorry if you got swept under my broad brush, but I hold to my view that unions create the environments under which the majority of Rhode Island state and municiple workers fit the description.

George
George
13 years ago

“At least, that’s how I’d feel if I were a union member.”
If you are indeed an EMT and not a union member…I would keep that a secret.

chuckR
chuckR
13 years ago

For EMT and Lt Mike
I think everyone here admires the guys and gals who run towards the gunfire, who run into the burning building and who, when the blood flows at an accident, do their damnedest to cheat death. You folks are special cases.
However, we don’t admire the clerk who spends a grueling 35 hours per week monitoring the paperwork submissions for some unfunded mandate from the state to some town/city or business. Actually, we don’t admire the supervisor or department head who successfully made the case for that clerk’s job. We don’t admire the politicos who get sinecures created for relatives and supporters. And sometimes, the clerk may be working hard, but if I went outside and pushed against the side of the building, I’d be working hard too, and accomplishing as much useful work.
How much tax relief/closing-of-the-deficit could be provided by pruning make work jobs at both the state and local level?

EMT
EMT
13 years ago

If you are indeed an EMT and not a union member…I would keep that a secret.
No George, it’s if I’m trying to START a union that I need to keep it a secret. Last guy who tried that at my old job was fired.
Sure, the company got slapped with a nice fine from the Labor Board, had to pay the employee back wages and benefits, and had to offer him his job back. But, given the fact that the employee did not return, and there has been no attempts at unionization since, I’m certain he considers it an excellent business decision.

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