Two Cows: A Contrast of Political and Economic Philosophies

One of those trouble makers in East Providence sent me this.
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.


A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the cr*p out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

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Patrick
Patrick
11 years ago

How about:
A Goldman Sachs Corporation
You have two cows.
You bought them for really cheap because they were sick.
You sold them to a veterinarian for twice what you paid.
They both die. It’s not your fault the vet didn’t know what he was buying.
The Senate investigates you and only allows you to buy 1 cow at a time in the future and they must be evaluated by a team of government veterinarians.
You change markets and deal in sheep.
You make a fortune while everyone else tries to figure out what happened to the cow markets.

brasssband
brasssband
11 years ago

A RHODE ISLAND (quasi-public) CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Well, actually you only have one cow, but it has taken early retirement and “double dips,” coming back on a “per diem” basis to serve in the position of the second cow while still receiving its full pension and benefits from its former role as the first cow.
Did I mention that the cow gives “coffee milk?”

mangeek
mangeek
11 years ago

I think the first part of the joke is broken. Socialism isn’t sharing willfully, it should read:
‘You have two cows, the government takes one and gives it to your neighbor who has none’
As for the Rhode Island cow… We have 3/4 of a cow, with a matching federal cow. Everyone is told they are entitled to two cows’ worth of milk every day, because the federal government will give us more cows if we flub our estimates enough.

doughboys
doughboys
11 years ago

Traditional Capitalism:
You have two cows
You send them overseas and sell the milk back into the US at Walmart

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