Expanding on some of the ideas previously discussed in The Cultural Consequences of Offering Endless Quantities of Meaningless Praise, the latest piece (available for a fee) from Jeffrey Zaslow of the Wall Street Journal is entitled Blame It on Mr. Rogers: Why Young Adults Feel So Entitled:
…Fred Rogers, the late TV icon, told several generations of children that they were “special” just for being whoever they were. He meant well, and he was a sterling role model in many ways. But what often got lost in his self-esteem-building patter was the idea that being special comes from working hard and having high expectations for yourself.
Now Mr. Rogers, like Dr. Spock before him, has been targeted for re-evaluation. And he’s not the only one. As educators and researchers struggle to define the new parameters of parenting, circa 2007, some are revisiting the language of child ego-boosting. What are the downsides of telling kids they’re special? Is it a mistake to have children call us by our first names? When we focus all conversations on our children’s lives, are we denying them the insights found when adults talk about adult things?
Some are calling for a recalibration of the mind-sets and catch-phrases that have taken hold in recent decades. Among the expressions now being challenged:
“You’re special.”
…Signs of narcissism among college students have been rising for 25 years, according to a recent study led by a San Diego State University psychologist. Obviously, Mr. Rogers alone can’t be blamed for this. But as Prof. Chance sees it, “he’s representative of a culture of excessive doting.”
…Prof. Chance…wishes more parents would offer kids this perspective: “The world owes you nothing. You have to work and compete. If you want to be special, you’ll have to prove it.”
“They’re just children.”
When kids are rude, self-absorbed or disrespectful, some parents allow or endure it by saying, “Well, they’re just children.” The phrase is a worthy one when it’s applied to a teachable moment, such as telling kids not to stick their fingers in electrical sockets. But as an excuse or as justification for unacceptable behavior, “They’re just children” is just misguided.
“Call me Cindy.”
Is it appropriate to place kids on the same level as adults, with all of us calling each other by our first names? On one hand, the familiarity can mark a loving closeness between child and adult. But on the other hand, when a child calls an adult Mr. or Ms., it helps him recognize that status is earned by age and experience. It’s also a reminder to respect your elders.
“Tell me about your day.”
It is crucial to talk to kids about their lives, and that dialogue can enrich the whole family. However, parents also need to discuss their own lives and experiences, says Alvin Rosenfeld, a Manhattan-based child psychiatrist who studies family interactions.
…many parents focus their conversations on their kids. Today’s parents “are the best-educated generation ever,” says Dr. Rosenfeld. “So why do our kids see us primarily discussing kids’ schedules and activities?”
He encourages parents to talk about their passions and interests; about politics, business, world events. “Because everything is child-centered today, we’re depriving children of adults,” he says. “If they never see us as adults being adults, how will they deal with important matters when it is their world?”
What I find so striking is how some people are simply unwilling to discuss the practical implications of certain widespread parenting practices. Since human behavior is heavily influenced by the incentives explicitly or implicitly present in our respective social environments, we are either going to debate the appropriateness of the underlying behavioral incentives created by current parenting practices or be damned to live with their long-term consequences.
Other posts related to how we are raising children in America include:
Rediscovering Traditional Unstructured Play for Children
Rediscovering Traditional Unstructured Play for Children, Part II
Hard America, Soft America: Competition vs. Coddling and the Battle for the Nation’s Future
According to a report from the Associated Press, Episcopalian Church procedures (a subject I know precisely nothing about) have placed the Right Reverend Geralyn Wolf, Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Rhode Island, at the center of the controversy concerning the “Muslim Episcopalian priest”…
An Episcopal priest who announced last month that she is also a practicing Muslim has been suspended from the priesthood for a year, according to a media report.[Open full post]
The Rev. Ann Holmes Redding must take a year from her position at Seattle’s St. Mark’s Episcopal Cathedral and should “reflect on the doctrines of the Christian faith, her vocation as a priest, and what I see as the conflicts inherent in professing both Christianity and Islam,” the Rt. Rev. Geralyn Wolf, bishop of the Diocese of Rhode Island, wrote in an e-mail to church leaders.
Redding, a priest for 23 years, was ordained by a former bishop of Rhode Island and remains subject to discipline by that diocese.
Gambling, Alcohol and Tobacco are all subject to “sin” taxes. We may as well add gasoline to the mix, too. According to the The National Center for Policy Analysis, all of ’em hit the poor hardest (h/t). Here’s a distillation of the Executive Summary of their report.
“The dollar amount spent on the lottery by the lowest-income individuals (earning less than $10,000 annually) is twice as much as the highest earners (earning more than $100,000 annually).” “One-third of lower-income adults smoke versus one-fifth of middle- and high-income earners, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention” “…major tobacco companies…pay the states $200 billion over 25 years to compensate for state health care costs attributed to smoking. More than 90 percent of the settlement costs are passed on to consumers. In fact, the settlement raised the price of cigarettes about 45 cents per pack.” “The portion of income spent on alcoholic beverages by the lowest fifth of earners is double that of middle earners and more than three times that of the highest earners, on the average.” “Some advocates claim taxes on harmful behaviors…are justified to recoup the costs those activities impose on others, such as secondhand smoke and drunk driving. Although the evidence is mixed, it appears that taxes on tobacco already more than compensate for the social costs of smoking. ”
“Advocates also claim these taxes encourage people to change their behaviors in socially desirable ways….the evidence indicates that these taxes are designed to raise revenue, rather than discourage unhealthy behavior.” “Poorer taxpayers are also disproportionately burdened by excise taxes imposed on ‘necessities,’ such as gasoline, utilities and telephone services. Since lower-income households spend more of their incomes on these items, they pay a greater share of these taxes.” “The lowest fifth of income earners spend nearly one-third of their income on alcohol, tobacco, utilities and gasoline, on the average. By contrast, the highest earners spend just 6 percent of their income on these items. Thus taxes on these products are especially burdensome to the poor.”
These statistics confirm a couple things. First, many people are opposed to a consumption-tax as a possible replacement to an income tax because it will hit those on the bottom of the income ladder hardest (I agree). They also help expose the underlying cynicism of our national and state governments who pay lip service to discouraging these vices while at the same time relying on them for their lifeblood. In the case of gambling (lottery or “casinos”) they outright encourage vice. But the answer isn’t a more “progressive” income tax (tax the rich more!). Instead, it is to reduce the amount of government spending. (Realistically, that means reigning in the rate of growth of spending). Until then, the message will continue to be “Smoke, drink and be merry so we can fund programs to help you…maybe.”
[Open full post]Bob Owens of the Confederate Yankee blog would like to know what journalistic reasoning led the Associated Press to publish an unconfirmed report of sectarian violence in Iraq that turned out to be a hoax, while at the same time ignoring a strongly sourced story concerning an actual, verifiable Al-Qaida attack on an Iraqi village…
On Thursday, June 28, The Associated Press—and to a lesser extent, Reuters, and a small independent Iraqi news agency—ran stories claiming that 20 decapitated bodies had been found on or near the banks of the Tigris River in Um al-Abeed, a village near Salman Pak, southeast of Baghdad, with sectarian violence strongly implicated.It’s a fair question. What is it about the Al-Qaida massacre that the AP deems un-newsworthy? [Open full post]
There were no named sources from this story from any media outlet, and the two anonymous Iraq police officers cited in the widely-carried AP account were nowhere near the scene of the alleged massacre, with Um al-Abeed being roughly 12 miles from the southeast edges of Baghdad, and Kut being 75 miles away, respectively….
This claimed massacre never happened, and was formally repudiated by the U.S. military on Saturday, June 30, who ascribed the claims to insurgent propaganda. To date, the Associated Press has refused to print a retraction or a correction for this false story, just as it has failed to print a retraction for previous false beheading stories….
At the same time, the Associated Press has refused to run the story of a verified massacre in Iraq discovered on June 29 and supported by named sources, eyewitness statements, and photographic evidence provided by noted independent journalist Michael Yon in his dispatch, Bless the Beasts and Children.
I would like for the Associated Press to formally explain why they are willing to run thinly and falsely sourced insurgent propaganda as unquestioned fact without any independent verification, but refuses to publish a freely offered account by a noted combat corespondent that some consider this generation’s Ernie Pyle.
Of all the ink spilled (or pixels populated) over the Libby pardon, perhaps Ben Stein’s take sums it up best (h/t). Nuff said.
[Open full post]…and, according to a Warwick Beacon letter to the editor from State Representative Susan Story (R-Barrington/East Providence), the RI legislature is no exception…
The Rhode Island General Assembly is one of the most generous of all state legislatures when it comes to its own budget. Data from the National Council of State Legislators shows that in 2005, Rhode Island was rated second in per capita spending on Legislative Branch spending – just over $23 per person in the state, where the neighboring state of Massachusetts, with a full-time legislature, spends just over $8. And states with similar populations spent much less – (Delaware, $12, and New Hampshire, less than $9.) To make matters worse, since that time, we have increased our budget from $25 million to the budget for next year of $36 million – over a 30 percent increase in just over three years! In this time of dire fiscal straits for our state, I feel this is irresponsible to say the least.[Open full post]
It is common for most of us to experience periodic painful events over the course of our lives.
I am going through such a time in my life, an unfortunate and deeply sad life event which I never expected to experience.
Like many unexpected and unhappy developments, it is often difficult to maintain perspective when riding the associated emotional rollercoaster.
In an ongoing search for perspective, Dean Barnett’s A Beautiful Muddle from last Christmas continues to resonate as a particularly inspirational source of guidance:
I am told that one of the great burdens of being married to me is having to tolerate my “singing,” especially while stuck in close proximity to my off key bass in a moving automobile. This weight is especially keen for Mrs. Soxblog on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day when we journey up to New Hampshire to see my in-laws. For an hour in each direction, I happily “sing” along with the Christmas tunes I’ve come to know and love.
My favorite is the “downbeat” version of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” a song that has acquired a special resonance for a lot of people in recent years. Originally, the last verse went like this:Someday soon we all will be together
If the fates allow.
Until then, we’ll have to muddle through somehow
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now.That’s how Judy Garland sang it in the 1944 movie, “Meet Me in St. Louis.” For a war exhausted nation in which virtually every family had to endure being separated from a loved one, the idea of “muddling through” until everyone could once again be together was a powerfully poignant one.
The Judy Garland version isn’t the one that you hear most often on the radio, though. Frank Sinatra re-cut the song in the 1950’s, and Frank wasn’t exactly the muddle-through type…The Sinatra version transformed the song into a much less somber affair. Frank’s last verse went like this:Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.In Frank’s version, the sense of separation so keenly felt in the original version sleeps with the fishes…
Me, I’ve long favored the Garland version, but not because it’s sad. I find it inspiring. I also find it true.
I try not to write about my health except when I truly have something to say. This is one of those times. As most of the readers of this site know, I’m a 39 year-old man with Cystic Fibrosis. 39 is old for someone with CF. In many ways I’ve been lucky, and sitting here today I can honestly tell you I feel lucky. Lucky people don’t always know that they’re blessed. I do. I have a life filled with people I love, and I just spent the Holidays with them. Does it get better than that?
For me, actually it does. Five years ago, it didn’t look like I’d be here today. But I am, and not only am I rapidly gaining on 40 there’s even a realistic chance I’ll see 50. Hell, there’s even a possibility I’ll see 60…
None of which is to say it’s all been kicks and giggles. I began my 30’s as a guy who could run 5 miles in 35 minutes and could get by on 5 hours of sleep a day. Now I sleep about 11 hours a day, and make a sourpuss face whenever I’m confronted with a flight of stairs or a lengthy walk across a parking lot.
And that’s where “muddling through” comes in. Regardless of who you are, at some point life plays some rotten tricks on you. Some people get terrible blows from fate; some people make their own bad luck. But everyone at some point realizes that life is at times a slog, and sometimes a cruel one.
But we “muddle through.” As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become ever more convinced that one of the keys to happiness is enjoying the “muddling,” and being cognizant of your blessings while doing so.
Some people just can’t do that. The muddling makes them bitter and angry; they enter a spiral of self-pity…
Life is one big muddle. Sometimes you have to muddle more, sometimes you have to muddle less, but for all of us “muddling through” is the natural state of things. Luckily, while we muddle, we can surround ourselves with things we cherish. We can muddle nobly, happily and with a sense of purpose. We can choose to love and allow ourselves to be loved as we muddle.
Ultimately, if you want it to be and let it be, it’s a beautiful muddle indeed.
As to guidance on how to muddle with a sense of purpose, these Old Testament words from Micah 6:8 – a favorite of mine for over 30 years – offer advice about how to live a more noble life:
He hath showed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?
And, as the muddling is sometimes particularly painful, these words from Isaiah 41:10 suggest that God will be there even during the toughest times, providing a strength which allows us to retain the hope necessary to carry on:
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
The field of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) offers a perspective on the clinical benefits which can be derived by allowing ourselves to think differently as we “muddle through” what are otherwise painful moments:
…Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the idea that our thoughts cause our feelings and behaviors, not external things, like people, situations, and events. The benefit of this fact is that we can change the way we think to feel/act better even if the situation does not change…CBT therapists believe that the clients change because they learn how to think differently and they act on that learning. Therefore, CBT therapists focus on teaching rational self-counseling skills…
Building on that is yet another valuable lesson, which only becomes apparent with the passage of time spent “muddling through” and is reflected in these words from Ben Johnson:
He knows not his own strength that has not met adversity.
Finally, muddling happily truly is made possible by being cognizant of the blessings of having many dear family members and friends who have been kind enough to draw closer during these times. It is a development which has allowed some previously remote relationships to be renewed while simultaneously strengthening the bonds of other existing ones to unprecedented levels of closeness. These outcomes remind each of us – if we are open to it – that good can arise out of the ashes when least expected and what matters most in life is being able both to give love to and receive love from others. And, most poignantly of all, I am particularly blessed to be muddling alongside and together with 3 very special young people whom I love and cherish more deeply than words could ever express.
[Open full post]From Rasmussen’s latest head-to-head surveys (h/t Kathryn Jean Lopez)…
- Fred Thompson 45%, Hillary Clinton 45% (survey conducted June 27-28).
- Rudy Giuliani 46%, Hillary Clinton 45% (survey conducted June 20-21).
Rasmussen’s most recent matchups involving Mitt Romney and Barack Obama are about a month old, so I’ll wait until a new set comes out before posting anything.
The John Edwards matchups are interesting, though…
- Rudy Giuliani 45%, John Edwards 45% (survey conducted June 25-26).
- Fred Thompson 41%, John Edwards 50% (survey conducted June 25-26).
ADDENDUM:
Ooops. I did miss one recent Romney matchup…
- Mitt Romney 42%, Hillary Clinton 46% (survey conducted June 27-28).
